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Thinking Man on Couch


Story by Anonymous

Inspired artwork: Quantum Entanglement

Depression runs in my family. My mom has it, my grandma had it, and many other extended family members have depression, and that’s just counting the ones that are still alive. So I could say that I’ve struggled with it for quite some time before I started making changes to my lifestyle. But before that, I think a time when my depression hit me the worst was when it started in 2018. At that time, I was reeling from a horrible breakup as well as transitioning from graduating college to living out my life on my own. So some days it was really hard to get out of bed or on some days I would act incredibly moody and self-deprecating because at the time I really didn’t know how to heal myself. After I moved out of my aunt’s house to my own apartment, I thought things would improve. I was now living out on my own, establishing my own independence. But the truth of the matter was that it only got worse. At the time, my work schedule required me to work mostly evenings and closing time which meant that I would come home at around 10pm, meaning that I would basically go home to go to bed. I was even instructed by a therapist to go to Meetup groups in order for me to put myself out there and meet new people, something that I took seriously. But because of my schedule, surprise surprise! I couldn’t really go to Meetup events as often as I wanted to because of my schedule. 

It was around this time that my dad had gotten a job up in Anchorage, Alaska and he was moving up in September that year, with my mom eventually coming in tow in May 2019 since she was going to stay to get the house ready to sell and so that my youngest sister can finish up high school. Because I wasn’t really doing much, my dad asked if I would want to move up there with them. After some thought,  I decided that that would be the best option for me. So, I subleased my apartment, packed my things, and I ended up moving to Anchorage the day after Thanksgiving. I eventually started substitute teaching at the Anchorage School District, which I did for the entirety of my time up there. But despite the move, despite the subbing, I still was depressed. I still was miserable. I came to realize that I had been only running away from my problems rather than trying to find ways to solve them; this made me more depressed since I basically dropped everything to start this “new life”.

But now, I’m in a much better headspace. Thanks to medication, coping mechanisms, and a routine, I’m really able to live my life without feeling down or depressed. Moving back to where I lived before I moved to Alaska helped a lot due to the fact that I have family here, so I don’t feel like I’m on my own. I thank my family and friends for supporting me during those times, and who encouraged me to improve myself overall. Because even if you feel like moving to a new place would be good for you, the feeling is only temporary and your problems that make you depressed will follow you and may make things worse.

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